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The Valar
The Valar A group of relatively useless but very powerful god-like creatures that live in Valinor. Some are more useful than others. They are twelve of the many entities whose work and music went into the creation of the world. Here is a list of the Valar and assessment of whether he or she is totally useless or not: Manwë Theoretically the guy in charge. He doesn't really do very much except put up with Melkor's fucking around and NOT put up with Fëanor's fucking around. His primary duty seems to be kicking people out of Valinor, and telling Tulkas to not MANFULLY WRESTLE anybody he's related to. That creepy fuck. On a scale of one to totally useless, maybe a five? Varda After doing a whole bunch of work creating the world, it's not exactly apparent what Varda actually does, other than be the matter of song for elves. Probably a 6 because she is likely also in charge of kicking Manwë's ass into gear. Mandos In charge of the halls of the dead, which is pretty fucking sweet. He's pretty chill if he's not mad at you and doesn't seem to hold a grudge. He's now Fëanor's roommate, but locks him out in the garden when he needs to get work done. One of only a few of the Valar who seems to actually have a job, so Mandos is totally not useless. Aulë You may know him from such hits as "Created Dwarves" and "Taught the Noldor their craft." He's also responsible for much of the actual physical world, so he gets a pass on being "useful", since he's not an active hindrance. Melkor A sulky goth kid who writes terrible poetry and worse music, hates his brother Manwë for being "better than him" and hates everyone else for not understanding him and his paaaaaaaaiiiiinnnnnnnnnn. He was able to crash a party in the company of a huge spider, destroy a couple huge ass trees and get away on Manwë's watch, then kill Fëanor's dad and steal the Silmarils, so you have to assume this guy knows how to get shit done. DEFINITELY not useless. Also, Fëanor got so mad he gave him an even cooler-sounding name: Morgoth. Tulkas This guy is ALL ABOUT man-on-man wrestling. He will wrestle ANYBODY, anywhere, any time. You have to appreciate that he's open about the fact that grappling with other dudes is his way of getting things done. He's sort of a bro and he likes to chill. He comes around the Halls of Mandos to pick fights with Fëanor and then get loaded with him in Mandos' back yard. Ulmo The incredibly powerful lord of the ocean, who basically never shows up unless he feels like it or if something is about to go wrong and he wants to watch. When he's not doing that, he enjoys being a nosy-ass busybody and checking out what basically everyone is up to. Lórien Hippie. He's Mandos' brother, and he's the lord of dreams. Mostly, he hangs out in his garden. He isn't a famous gardener like Yavanna or anything, but... well... who needs to be when you've got a killer garden already? He chills there with his friends and his hippie healer wife... Estë ...Lórien's hippie healer wife. She is the Lady of Healing and she too enjoys thrilling endeavors such as chilling out in the garden with her and Lórien's hippie crew. They probably all go to Burning Man. Yavanna Another hippie! She actually SANG THE PLANTS INTO BEING and still failed to be able to protect what were theoretically the two most important plants in all of Arda. GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER. Bunch of shit gardeners up here in Valinor. Nienna Her tears cleanse the world, or something, but the important thing to note here is that Nienna is personally responsible for every time Manwë said "Nah, it's cool, let's give Melkor another chance." Vairë Mandos' artsy wife who weaves the story of the world into living tapestry so that Fëanor and Tulkas can get drunk and keep up with what's going in in Middle Earth. Nessa Tulkas is apparently married. She enjoys dancing. It seems as though she doesn't care that he spends most of his time wrestling with... everybody... and getting drunk with the former High King of the Noldor. It's probably better that way. Oromë Oromë is the great hunter, and that's basically what he does. Charging all over Arda doing whatever he does, checking things out and hunting whatever he hunts. Then he stops by to get drunk with Fëanor and Tulkas when he's done. Vána Oromë's ever-young sportsy outdoorsy wife. She probably spends a lot of time with Nienna, listening to Depeche Mode and drinking cheap champagne, and crying about EXISTENCE Category:The Lore